Sydney Sweeney is struggling to make ends meet.

The 24 year old actor wants to take six months off to become a young mom, but says she can’t afford to. This is despite being paid $25,000 per episode on her latest show. That alone tells me two things about Sydney: She failed Biology and Home Economics.

But not to worry, at least she has the “best tits in Hollywood” according to her grandpa.


But as a grandpa myself, I’m not sure if I would be (a) comfortable making public comments about my grand-daughter’s rack, or (b) noticing. But that’s just me.

Maybe it’s because, you know, ‘merica.

Just to be certain, I consulted the repository of all human knowledge to see if Kate Upton’s grandsires had ever shared their thoughts regarding THOSE BOOBS.


Not even an uncomfortable silence. Just nothing. It’s almost as if neither of them had even noticed.

Likewise Alexandra Daddario’s grandfather was apparently “too busy” being a US congressman. Emily Ratajkowski’s grandfather was “too busy” being a piano prodigy at Juilliard. Sofia Vergara’s grandfather was probably “too busy” smuggling cocaine into the US or growing beans or whatever.

Too busy.

Point being, there are things grandfathers are supposed to notice and there are things they are not. If your grandson pops a gonad out of his trunks aged two it’s all hijinks and merriment. If he flashes a nut at the age of 32, then thank god for glaucoma.

At the very least, Sydney Sweeney’s grandfather should be teaching her how to budget. For example, spinning around in a circle shrieking “Wheee!” until you fall over is just as much fun as sniffing crack.


And it is MUCH cheaper.

Trust me also on this:

At the end of the day, that fabulous granddaughter may be the person reciting the eulogy at your funeral, and “Grandpa loved my tits!” is not how any of us want to be remembered.

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