The Netflix series ‘How to Build a Sex Room’ lets designer Melanie Rose say “fucking” in a plummy British accent while persuading a bunch of Denverites that they need a sex swing. That is pretty much it.

I’m less surprised by the number of folk who get on the lash than by the show’s R-rating in the US. It could be Tricia’s boobs as she hares about on that quad bike, but that’s two seconds at the beginning of a single episode.

It’s PG otherwise, and (dare I say it) pretty cringey.

Nice cat-ears Tricia!

The mild titillation some might get from watching wimpy blokes getting shackled wanes quick, and at least three makeovers featuring the same penis coat hooks proves there’s nothing edgy about bronze dicks mass-produced in China.

You can buy them on Etsy!

That said, you can buy anything on Etsy.

Melanie Rose saying ‘penis’ in America is apparent enough to qualify as cheeky entertainment, though.

If that’s true, then she’s missed an opportunity to spruik penis candles, penis dog toys, penis cookie cutters, penis lip balm holders, penis keychains, penis magnets, penis coffee mugs, penis salt and pepper shakers, penis stress balls, penis confetti, penis straws, penis pen holders, penis dog whistles, et cetera.

There’s also an odd fixation on domination which misses the mark. Those not into BDSM are a clear disappointment to Melanie Rose, and the moue of surprise when nobody showed interest in her Basil Brush butt plug!

Wrong generation Mel, the kids don’t get it.

At the end of the day, Melanie Rose does have a designer’s eye for colour, and her show gives the prudes something to talk about. But I can’t see a second series unless its set in a different country.

The producers need to be careful, though. In Finland, for example, bestiality is not illegal.

Disclaimer — I am not saying the residents of √Ąteritsiputeritsipuolilautatsij√§nk√§ believe its okay to root their pets! The only place zoophilia belongs is on a Scrabble board!

I can’t imagine “How to Build a Sex Room S2 E1” airing in Finland. People would just yawn and point out the window at their barn. Don’t forget that this is the country that invented Angry Birds…

Anyway, the reality — as several couples note — is that the show needs to keep it as PG-rated as possible, so all the silly smut and sniggering innuendo reaches its limit, and then it gets super-boring, super-quick.

But if ‘sexy’ for you means a quick paddle across the buttocks with a studded riding crop, then by all means crack-on.

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