Where have I been, you ask?
Well, do you know those artworks where somebody’s been hiding in plain sight all along, just painted up to camouflage with some dirty old strip of 1970’s wallpaper? I’m kinda like that. I never left the building, because I am the building.
But why time my comeback for today?
You know why.
Because while I admit ingesting a helluva lot of docosahexaenoic acid in the noughties, even the good oil doesn’t explain how I accurately predicted Donald Trump would beat Kamala Harris in 2024, way back on September 9 2021.
Oops, my bad, randomly inserted a picture of Donald’s puppet master that nice chap Elon Musk for some reason…
Anyhoo, the only thing I didn’t correctly predict THREE YEARS AGO was Donald’s running mate. I initially thought maybe somebody with breasts — Sarah Palin or Kristi Noem — forgetting, of course, silly me, that Donald Trump hates women.
Not all the ‘somebodys with breasts’ obviously. Which is where I segue to why Donald Trump won this election.
Deluded political commentary is already out there, ascribing his win to the ‘bro vote’ effect, but that’s way off the money. While I’ll definitely pore over the numbers myself later, for now let me tap the mystic ether again and foretell the actual post-mortem result:
Donald Trump’s winning bump came from disaffected males 18-65 of all colours who feel like they are losing to women, other minorities, and the Alphabet People.
You read it here first.
My kids may laugh at me because (a) I’m losing my hair, and (b) because I’m on TikTok, but the latter connects me with a substratum of humanity I’d otherwise never meet, and whose votes bought Trump the presidency.
The incels.
Oops! Another photo of Elon Musk… wtf… My point is the incels are all growned-up now, and they’re on TikTok telling you how they’ve been wronged by women, and how they want revenge.
So when the poster-child of pussy-grabbers tells them to stand back and stand by, these boys are proud to do so, and when Orange Jesus tells them to go vote, guess what happened next.
