Want to be a politician in Australia?
Here’s how!
(1) Rent a flat in a particularly gullible electorate. While it might help to be a local, it’s not necessary. Remember, this is all make-believe!
(2) Join whatever political party is locally popular by pretending to stand for whatever silly nonsense they stand for. Just be a “strong voice” for, you know, whatevs.
(3) Loudly fake interest in whatever floats the locals’ boat. Clean energy? What the fuck is that? Affordable housing? Pshaw, never happening.
(4) Win the seat on the back of the party’s popularity. Inner city folks just love voting for a female greenie wrapped in an Aboriginal flag! Tick, double-tick, triple-tick!
(5) Show your true colours. Quit the party and declare yourself an independent! Although, to be honest, you were hiding in plain sight.
(6) Refuse to resign now, despite no longer having a mandate, legitimacy or integrity. Yes, you are liar and a thief, but so what? You’re a politician!
(6) Use parliamentary privilege to smear your enemies. Maybe look up “sexual assault” before you point that finger, just remember to withdraw your comment afterwards.
I mean sexual assault allegations is all just jokes, right?
(7) Sit back and get fat on all that gub’mint money!
Did I miss anything, Lidia?
Or as one wit put it:
