Because why not, I just binge-watched the whole 771 minutes of Tom Cruise’s Mission: Impossible series so I’ll be ready for Ethan Hunt’s curtain-call in the upcoming Dead Reckoning.

Thomas Cruise Mapother IV is 60 years old, and his films have grossed 11+ billion. He can probably afford to put the series to bed and get fat like the rest of us.

It will be the end of an era. Hunt finds uses for a paperclip that would leave Jason Bourne scratching his head. There’s nothing he can’t climb, no man he can’t kill, no woman he can’t bed.

And the gadgets!

They make my Leatherman look redundant. I definitely need a pair of those spiderman gloves the next time I climb the Burj Khalifa. And a flute -gun; who doesn’t want a flute-gun!

I’ll leave the exploding chewing gum at home; that’s just a random facelift waiting to happen. Speaking of faces, as much as it’s overdone, give me one of those 3D face printer thingies!

In fact, I think Cruise may have been overdoing the face-thingy.

I don’t care if he dyes his hair or injects neurotoxic proteins into his face.

The fact Cruise is batshit crazy in real life doesn’t bother me. I’m sure when it’s Tom’s turn to Ascend, the Thetan mothership will appear in the sky and beam him right up.

I mean how is it any crazier than The Rapture? Go worship those false idols, kids!

I watched M:I from the start because it bookmarks my life. Some people think of songs, for me it’s movies, and I have no bad associations.

I’ll be sad to see M:I go, but go it must before Ethan jumps the shark.

M:I 2 Danger Downunder was so bad even Thandie Newton’s pokies couldn’t save it. Luckily the series was redeemed with MI3 and (even better) MI4. Hooray that a whole quarter of the series is still ahead of me!

More fight scenes on planes, trains and automobiles, with Ethan blowing shit up and saving the world one last time with old mates Luther and Benjii plus a bunch of random hot chicks. Can’t wait.

Leave a Reply