Let’s get this out of the way: Who gives a fuck what Emily Ratajkowski thinks. By her own admission, EmRat didn’t even watched Blonde (2022) before subjecting us to her banal, sixty-second thesis on the ‘fetishization of female pain’.

I think Ratajkowski’s salty because Ana de Armas is prettier than her.

And boy, is she pretty. While ADA squeezed Monroe’s size 16 into a slinky size 6 without losing an ounce of that sultriness, even I don’t want to spend three hours dodging those nipples. While I get the nakedness metaphor, it was a bit heavy-handed.

That said, I’m loving the hysteria.

Andrew Dominik’s Blonde is a faithful adaptation of a fictional account of Monroe’s life by Joyce Carol Oates published 22 years ago. Fictional. Nobody conflated the novel as “pro-life propaganda” or “necrophiliac entertainment”, let alone porn. But the film?

It’s the world we live in now, isn’t it. Nobody just kicks the cat, or pens a furious letter to the editor, or gets over it. Nope, it absolutely has to go on TikTok.

Does anyone really care what Joyce Carol Oates thinks? Nah. Not when you have a model, sorry, Serious Author who spent half her life objectifying her own body telling you what to think about a movie SHE HASN’T EVEN SEEN.

BTW don’t kick your cat, that’s just mean.

If this were a rude fiction about Elvis Presley strutting around with his cock out, do you think the critical reception would have been the same? We are generations short of gender equality if people feel the need to defend the memory of a woman who died 60 years ago.

Remember, it’s a FICTIONAL account!

Not a documentary!

I loved this film.

I always thought Monroe was boring, but this changed my mind. The cinematography was brilliant. It was provocative, artistic, moving and intelligent. The three hours flew past. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone except the thin-skinned asshats who want to make life miserable for everyone.

Thumb’s-up from me. I’ll be curious to hear what my wife thinks.

Leave a Reply