The most effective contribution “The World” has made to Ukraine’s repulsion of the Russki war machine is sanctions — not Javelin anti-tank missiles, NLAW anti-tank rockets, M777 howitzers or Switchblade kamikaze drones — though they’re fun, too!

Admittedly, Putin didn’t even flinch when The West started seizing asssets from his billionaire oligarch buddies. He could give two shits for those lickspittles: Putin’s own assets are untouchable.

But, like Smaug, he has a fatal weakness.

Media announced today that Alina Kabaeva will be sanctioned. Kabaeva was on the original hit-list, but the US decided not to go after her in case it provoked a “disproportionate reaction” from her boyfriend.

But then Putin bombed Mariupol back into the Stone Age, so I guess the Pentagon said fuck it, the gloves are off.

Kabaeva disappeared just before the war began, but local news reports say she’s back. If it’s the case that Putin thinks she’s now safer in Moscow than elsewhere, then he’s revealed a chink in his armor.

He’s worried and wants to protect her? But why?

Because Putin and Kabaeva are making the beast with two backs, despite his denials. If he wasn’t, then why would Putin give two shits about Alina? Why, through his intermediaries, is Putin squirreling vast amounts of wealth into Kabaeva’s family?

The principal receiver is Kabaeva’s grandmother Anna Zatsepilina.

The 86 year old has received apartments in St Petersburg and Moscow, as well as three luxury homes and land in other choice locations, total value upwards of one billion rubles.

While an actual ruble might be worth four-fifths of fuck-all right now, that’s not really the point.

Kabaeva’s sister Leysan (above) was mysteriously appointed to the judiciary at Almetyevsk City Court despite having no law qualifications, and given a $1.5M apartment.

Kabaeva’s mum (below) has moved into a modest $12M pad which make daughter Leysan’s luxury digs look like a third-world shithole. Or downtown Mariupol, for that matter.

No wonder the Kabaeva’s are smiling.

Of course Alina herself didn’t missed out: As the chair of NMG, the largest media company in Russia, she makes $10M USD per annum despite no qualifications or experience in media or management whatsoever.

Alina can put her ankles behind her head, though, and that’s enough for the Poot.

While the vast majority Putin’s wealth is hidden, he’s been generous with his children both legitimate and illegitimate (Luiza Rozova), and some maybe-maybe-not girlfriends along the way, including model Alisa Kharcheva, who was given an apartment because she has a nice pussy.

Bad jokes aside, Alina’s been in Putin’s inner circle (or, ahem, is it the other way around) for at least ten years. The evidence suggests Putin has been preparing for sanctions for a decade; we can’t touch his wealth, and he’s done everything he can to enrich those close to him.

This is the house where Putin was raised. Bravo, for making something of yourself. But why end your life as a fugitive, despised by all the world?

Best-case scenario, Vlad and his unofficial bride grow old in luxury, imprisoned within Russia for the rest of their natural lives.

Probable-case scenario, arrest warrants put Vladimir Putin before the Hague for war crimes and he dies in a cell.

Worst-case scenario, he gets dragged into the street and clubbed to death like Muammar Gaddafi.

Alina Kabaeva? When all her ill-gotten gains are stripped from her and her money-grubbing family, they’ll all go back to being the penniless nobodies they were before Alina caught the President’s roving eye.

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