Because we’re all special, I’ve been wondering for a long time what my two-spirit name might be. Well, peeps, I’m thrilled to announce the search is over! I have dicovered my soul-mate in the animal kingdom, and can henceforth be known as:

Chief Sarcastic Swiftlet.


How indeed. It only took 53 years to find an animal that can switch off half its brain and still keep going, but there we have it. The swiftlet. Not only can I function normally with half my brain asleep, I can put half my brain to sleep and function normally!

What a clever bird-human!

I should have guessed sooner, tbh.

I did spend several years hoping for something that was more conventional — like Chief Running Bare or Luke Skywalker or something — but really, what’s wrong with swiftlet?

They’re what was left over after Jebus’s daddy made The Swift.

So, there you have it.

If in the process of “coming out” I have upset somebody in this great big rainbow-coloured universe, I would normally apologise but instead suggest you fuck off and stop oppressing me!

Besides, the “swiftlet” thing is probably only temporary. In keeping with all the other cool kids, I’ll get bored next week and decide I’m somebody else.

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