I wrote ‘out of time’ back in June after Scott Morrison, our Prime Minister, took a break from his hectic schedule to holiday in Cornwall despite lockdowns, etc. He got properly roasted for that. Another Kaisson classic, you can enjoy it again and again here.

I’m back on-topic because ScoMo’s at it again.

More evidence emerges of how badly he carries a tune, but also of his penchant for secrecy and cover-ups. If it happened only once, you’d be inclined to forgive his tone-deafness as an accident. If it happened twice, maybe just a coincidence.

But three times?

The first time — the accident — was his secret family trip to Hawaii while Australia burned in 2019. Scotty’s response? “I don’t hold the hose, mate.” This from the guy who ended Police Commissioner Christine Nixon’s career by publicly criticising her “bad judgment” for going home for dinner during the Black Saturday bushfires crisis in Victoria.

The second time — the coincidence — was in June 2021 when Scotty invited himself to the G7 Summit then secretly went sight-seeing in Cornwall. “I think it was pretty innocent,” he later protested. While flatly rejecting travel exemptions for Australians wishing to visit dying parents abroad, Scotty approved himself for an off-the-books family history tour which Oz media only learned about from a publican’s tweet.

The third time — the pattern — was last weekend, when the PM secretly snuck home for Father’s Day. Bill Shorten, former Labor leader, summarised it thus: “It’s not that he doesn’t deserve to see his kids, but so does every other Australian, and I think when your people are doing it tough, you’ve got to do it tough too.

But our Scotty doesn’t like to do it tough. He won’t walk the talk. He will huff and puff about political opponents taking “cheap shots” when he’s caught out, though. But it’s entirely his own fault. If everything’s above board, why the pattern of secrecy?

Scotty refuses to do it tough because it’s not in his nature. Look at his waistline, the man’s never said no to a meat pie. Has no ticker. Happy for Aussies to suffer, his snout’s firmly in the trough. Get’s caught, retaliates viciously until old heads at the LNP force him to apologise. But at least his modus-operandi of secrecy and cover-ups has finally been revealled.

Two left feet? Explains a lot.

But while our Prime Minister may be a tone-deaf bungler, it not why he has to go. His Achilles heel — that he’s a two-faced hypocrite — is both why he needs to go and how it will happen. All Labor leader Anthony Albanese needs to do is sit back and wait for Scotty to shoot himself in the foot.

I wasn’t allowed to see my children on Father’s Day.

But if you’re a footballer, actor, or the Prime Minister, then the rules don’t apply. For a man who never misses a photo-opp which portrays him as a man of the people, ScoMo is in fact contemptuous of public opinion.

As I said in my ‘out of time‘ post in June, his message to Aussies who haven’t seen their living relatives in two years is — you can see them when they’re dead. But as to him seeing his family whenever he likes, it’s “Get fucked, I’m the fucking PM mate, what you gonna do?”

Answer? Nothing at all, Scott. You’re doing fine on your own.

I never thought I’d be typing this, but I hope Peter Dutton is sharpening his knives. The man with a head like a shaved testicle will be the next conservative Prime Minister of this country, if ScoMo’s god doesn’t strike him dead.

Either way, I imagine Malcolm Turnbull will be cheering.

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