Is it my imagination, or is there a snowballing worldwide conspiracy by angry overweight woman using their social media profiles to aggressively normalise obesity, just so that they can go back to inhaling Doritos??  So now we’re posting nude selfies and strident hashtags, seeking public declarations of support from so-called celebrities to vindicate our brave stand against “body-shaming”?  I am gobsmacked by how fatuous this is. Surely we’re witnessing the apotheosis of first-world problems — it’s not my fault for being fat, it’s the world’s fault for making me self-conscious — well get on a fucking plane you fat bitches, and explain that to these kids:

Biafra, Nov. 1969 Medical clinic in Mabaitoti - Owerri.

Following their logic, we should be telling our daughters to scarf down more burgers in a quest to replicate Kim Kardashian’s ass.  Even if Amy Schumer isn’t lying, and she really can “catch a dick” whenever she wants, is that the life-goal we’re promoting to our girls?  “Hey daughter, forget about a healthy diet and exercise, just get fat and catch some dick!” is not a conversation I could ever have.  But the biggest problem for media-trolls like Hannah Meyer, agent provocateur for this asinine movement, is that they don’t know where to take their fight — they haven’t identified the real enemy.  Instead we get Meyer in full flight, frothing at the mouth, at the usual suspect:

“… if your particular ideals of beauty and the methods of work and deprivation you use to attain them are carbon copies of those advised by a white, male, cisgendered media, it’s unlikely to be a coincidence. This is how capitalist patriarchy works: We are convinced to see ourselves through the eyes of a system that has only ever valued women packaged in bodies made for the market of male desire.

Yawn.  The capitalist patriarchy at work again.  What a surprise.  I wonder if Ms Meyer, with all her trendy gender-issue buzzwords, is capable of an original thought?  I wonder, less relevantly, if she ever packages herself for “the market of male desire”?  A little lippy now and then, the odd flirty dress.  Curiously, in this brave new world of self-empowerment, I can’t find a single loud-and-proud selfie of Hannah Meyer nude or otherwise.  But I guess that’s smart — if you want to be judged solely on journalistic (or whatever) merit, why give the lazy haters an easy free kick — because naturally if you are good-looking then you’re a hypocrite, but if you’re ugly then you’re just a jealous, lesbian feminazi — right?

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Anyway, are we still playing the same, tired old record?  Men aren’t the problem.  For decades we’ve told you that we like your curves — we love them, in fact — and it mystifies us why you agonise over something so lovely.  Men are, in my universal experience, captivated by women’s bodies large and small, and far more kind to their varied shapes than women are to each other or to themselves.

Bashing anyone that disagrees with you just undermines feminism, Hannah: it doesn’t make them misogynists or haters if they think the Kardashian ass is too big — @hashtagfeminism might change lives, but it won’t change reality.  That is one BIG ass.  You could feed an entire African village off that ass.

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