In one of those tautological moments that leaves us all utterly underwhelmed, scientists have apparently proved that overvaluing and overpraising kids can contribute to the development of narcissism.

no-shit-sherlock-3

Really?  Well, wipe the floor with my head.  I am utterly dumbfounded!  How can it be so?  Don’t tell me that all those years of helicopter-parenting were a mistake? That can’t be right.  Who are these people at the “National Academy of Science” anyway, what would they know!  Probably don’t even have children–barren harpies and impotent pencil-nibblers the lot of them.  And this ‘social learning theory’ sounds like communism to me.  It’s a plot to keep our talented, beautiful children down. They’re just jealous because they’re not the parents of intelligent / attractive / precocious / whiny I mean, confident and well-adjusted children!

Case in point:  before the neighbor’s wife left him (because he’s a turd), taking their beautiful and musically-talented daughter with her, Little Tammy (not her real name) would serenade me quite early in the morning on weekends on the karaoke machine she received for her third Christmas.  Now, I am quite sure Beyonce made a dollar or two out of “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” but if Little Tammy’s cover every made it onto the radio, watch out girl, top-ten with a bullet!  Speaking of bullets, there’s a large aluminum shed in my neighbor’s back yard that provided both cover and concealment to Little Tammy, no matter what position I adopted.  It seemed only fitting to me at the time that someone with the voice of an angel should be sent closer to one.  Suffer little children, indeed.

Anyway, and without getting too personal, the lead researcher in the so-called ‘study’ earned his certificate at some place oxymoronically named “The University of Amsterdam” unquote.  Amsterdam? Isn’t everybody stoned in Amsterdam?  How could a “University” put a stoned guy in charge of a scientific study? Come on people, that’s not how you do it!  Rule Number One: lead scientist of very important study into childhood narcissism is not allowed to be a stoner.  Clearly this study lacks scientific rigor, not only because everybody in Europe is on drugs, but also because of the sample size:  “565 Dutch children aged 7-11 years and at least one parent”!!!  At least one parent means ONLY one parent!  So, unless this was one very busy parent, what evidence is there that the parents of the remaining kiddies contributed to their narcissism? Let’s put this quasi-scientific nonsense behind us.  The boot will be on the other foot when Little Tammy wins the next X Factor!

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