Victorians, hang your heads in shame. What a piss-poor effort. What could have been a coordinated, well-resourced and effective demonstration has turned into a week-long training exercise for police, and a frenzy of media sensationalism.

For the cops, it’s a gift.

Not every day you get to blast some turd in the face with a beanbag round, or give some mouthy bitch the rubber bullet she so richly deserves. Usually, it’s just the same boring shit: stand in line and ignore some idiot you just want to baton into a red pulp. I mean, why give you a water cannon if you never get to use it?

At least VicPol got to play with their toys this time.

But I’ve watched every bit of footage I can get my hands on, and it’s the same disappointing scene. A small crowd of blokes in high-visibility jumpers, mostly standing back while a few of their brothers melee at the front. Australian apathy on display to the world.

Turn up, hang back, go home.

Got to hand it to the journalists, though. There’s always someone in the crowd who manages to snap that “wild, violent mob” angle. I mean look at the photo below: some brawny dude smashing some clown in the head with a megaphone while about four others push and shove. A wild, violent mob?


Look at the guy cut in half on the far right of the picture — he’s having a smoke — he’s that angry.

The bloke in the white hoodie is checking his IG — he’s that bored.

Most of the visible expressions are dudes with their hands in their pockets thinking “Hmm, I wonder what’s happening up front?”

In the second photo, below, there’s an influx of protestors in hi-vis orange. Not accidental, these are your ‘very angry men’ who may/may not be stooges for another cause entirely. The signature clothing is to identify each other, so that indicates pre-panning.

Clever thinking, bringing your own bread crate for dramatic effect! The media can now say it was an ‘armed’ riot.

Look at this chick, though. Very serious. Good work media, by the way, actually finding a woman to interview. A very serious woman too, who’s very serious about what’s going on. You can tell she’s got something serious to say about the situation, and because she’s a woman you’ve got to take her very seriously.

I guess they invaded the Shrine of Remembrance because some defective thought it looked like the Capitol building. I do appreciate the media snapping exactly the same angle they did in the US, showing riot police on the steps, assembled and ready.

Don’t do anything original, Victoria!

Not quite the same, but at least they’re trying, right?

The problem is, Australian riot police look like riot police, whereas in the US they are indistinguishable from the military. But Australia will get there. A few more feeble skirmishes, field test some more gear, then every state can justify a standing police-army of its own.

Can only be good for democracy, am I right?

I have to add that the happiest day a roving reporter can have is when somebody throws a can of piss at them.

Paul Dowsey (Ch 7) must have thought all his christmases had come at once.

It’s the latest thing: make sure you get a whiff of pepper spray, go down screaming police brutality. Get jostled by some tradie, go down screaming mob violence. Journos must all be ex-soccer players, because they clearly took the same acting classes.

But finally, what’s lacking in all this is a lesson in crowd control.

A good kettling.

Five hundred Victorians kettled by fifty cops for eight hours would do it. Detained while every one is individually photographed, searched, and issued with an infringement for breaching a Public Health Order.

Once you’ve crapped yourself in a crowd, lesson learned. Kettle me once, shame on you; kettle me twice, shame on me.

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