“You have forests all over the world. You don’t have fires like you do in California.” Maybe the US President should resit that dementia test, because I seem to recall a little spotfire here in Oz that makes the US conflagration seem like a greasy flare-up at Uncle Bob’s weekend cookout. I know that’s crass and insensitive because people have died, and I apologise for that; but your elected leader is a tangerine fool.

He still thinks the Trump Virus that has killed 196,000 Americans so far is just going to magically disappear: “Sure, over a period of time. Sure, with time it goes away. And you’ll develop like a herd mentality. It’s going to be herd developed, and that’s going to happen.” Herd mentality is going to save America? Sorry, you human popsicle, but plague = no. Election = maybe.

But of course that wasn’t (just) another Freudian slip from Tweety, it was another example of his cognitive failure. From mistaking the greatest terror attack on US soil with the place he buys his slurpees (9/11 v “7/11”), to inventing a new country (“Thighland”), to misspelling his own wife’s name (“Melanie”), Trumplethinskin’s blunders are just the tip of a thick, orange iceberg. But hey, when caught out and publicly embarssed, just covfefe.

He still has one thing going for him, though. When he’s no longer immune from prosecution and has been jailed for tax evasion or treason, at least he can afford to get his protection-money in nice and regular. Keep up his payments, he may avoid ending up on the wrong side of the SHU with somebody like Wes Watson. Because no matter how good he thinks he looks in orange, Baby Fingers is going to want a jail-daddy, coz free-Mommy ain’t waitin’.

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