If you need a philosophical position to occupy in this crazy, mixed-up world, then skepticism is a natural default. Trump didn’t invent the ‘fake news’ phenomena, he just tapped into a cynicism you all, irrespective of race, colour or creed, suffer. You inhabit a society where everything is manipulated; primarily, to part you from your money. Everyone decried the fakery of Photoshop in advertising, for example, and basked in smug vindication when celebrity reveals proved that they too had aged.

But instead of demanding the truth, you all became liars. Social media, the ultimate platform for self-deceit, overwhelmed your daily reality (Facebook, 1.69 billion subscribers). You now covet the lifestyle of the influencer (Kylie Jenner, 1.2 million per post), yet practice your ‘jaded media consumer’ expressions while fish-gaping at your followers, virtue-signalling as you tweet your social justice warrior’s affirmation of a snowflakey reality that does not exist.

Don’t wail and gnash your teeth at the sheer vapidity of it all; instead, rejoice! You’re only discovering what the classical skeptics themselves believed: that in the absence of proof, we must not only suspend belief but also disbelief. Yay! And also, phew! What a relief. While grumpy old Agrippa might frown, you (possibly) won’t lead yourself into (much) peril by rejecting this reality and substituting your own: I mean, ignoramus et ignorabimus! What are you anyway, one of them medical doctors? Sounds like Deep State to me!

To all you fools and unbelievers, I leave you with the Socratic paradox. The only incontrovertible truth is that I don’t know any more than you do. Don’t mistake this for a confession, because the reason we’re parting ways is because only one of us is prepared to change their mind. About anything. I’ve changed my mind about wanting to change yours. Just do me a favour in return — don’t waste any more of my time with your dumbass opinions.

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