I’ve been fascinated (from a professional perspective) with the Sherri Papini story since 2016. I know you are too, because my Papini blogs are my most-read posts. You’re interested for the same reasons I am, I suspect: scepticism warring with sympathy. Maybe she really was abducted by two Hispanic women. Maybe she really was tortured, starved, branded and shamed over the course of 22 days, and then (so improbably that it jars every fibre of my being) set free. In the absence of fresh facts, what will persuade me even more, perhaps finally, is whether the closely-guarded secrets of this ‘ordeal’ are sold for $USD millions.

It has all the ingredients of a blockbuster. Pretty All-American Mom (by which I mean privileged white racist with simmering hatred towards Hispanics) goes for a jog in crotch-grabbing hotpants and gets grabbed by her abductors. Forgive the ‘crotch-grabbing’ comment, I’m just thinking ahead to the movie. They would have been watching her house (ie it was targetted) or grabbed her at random: you can’t have it another way. The targetted attack is interesting because it could signal payback — the Hispanic angle — for her early history of alleged racial hatred towards that particular minority. The cruelty inflicted upon her (chained, hair cut, starved, branded) is in truth very female violence, which supports her version. No suggestion of sexual assault, which is also telling, because if she was held by men they would have f****d her. Let’s be honest.

So she comes home apparently unf****d and what does she do? She ‘assists the authorities‘ sure enough, but not enough to lead to any arrests. The ‘male DNA‘ on her clothing doesn’t belong to her husband, nor does it belong to her ‘friend’ in Michigan. Another reality check: she’s sexting an ex in Michigan. Why are you Americans so coy? This adds motive: was she thinking about a dump-and-run to start a new life with boyfriend #1? Given the number of search warrants executed in Michigan by LE without result, I’m thinking not. She may have been playing hiding the sausage with this guy, but his DNA was not on her clothing post-abduction. Otherwise he’d be in the bin. Law enforcement like to publicise results in high profile cases. In the Papini case, we have no results at all.

My sympathies to the investigators, but I’m led almost inevitably, reluctantly, to this: it was staged. Refer to my other blogs where I talk about her self-proclaimed masochism. She brags how she can take pain — so cut off her hair, shed some weight, endure a branding — no big deal if the payout is $USD millions a few years down the track. I almost hate thinking like this, but it’s the world we live in now. I don’t know the girl, but I know a hundred like her. They want to be something, and a husband making okay money, with kids at home, doing nothing special, is not enough for them. Curate the social media shitstorm, allow a brief hiatus to build suspense, then the big reveal. She could $$$ clean up. Literally, it would change their caefully curated lives.

I don’t have the facts. I know police would be working this case and working it hard. It’s not cold, but it’s cooling. If I were scheming Sherri, I’d wait until the cops stop snooping aroung then sell my story to the highest bidder. I haven’t liked the husband from the start: he’s either disingenuous or a fucktard. Push me, and I’d suggest he’s a dupe. Push me really hard, and I’d say she masterminded the whole thing and led him along by his tiny white dick. Sorry, but you Americans do this all the time. Don’t forget the rest of the world is watching and we know your bullshit. Takes more than a pretty face to fool us. Either way, I’m not writing on this topic ever again unless there’s a major development. \

So stay tuned, because this show ain’t over ’til the white lady sings.

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