And here we finally have it — anybody wondering what (if anything) would be the enduring legacy of Gen Y towards the advancement of humankind need look no further. The fact we’re only one monkey away from curing HIV, or that there’s a supermassive black hole in our cosmologic neighbourhood, or that there is goddamn potable drinking water on Mars, or even news that we now have the capability to create the world’s first bionic penis — all of it pales before this gem from Generation Whine.
Living apart, together. LAT.
This genius solution to all of life’s dull routines apparently particularly interests children of failed marriages, the once-burnt-forever-shy crowd, and the incurably narcissist. Princess thinks she should be number one, all day, every day? LAT makes every moment momentous! He’ll never take YOU for granted! Next, we’ll have LATidays, where almost-but-not-quite couples go on holidays that overlap: “I’m off for Paris, honey, see you there next week!” This lack of commitment used to be held against a guy, but now that the girls are doing it too, it’s soooo cool! Wealthy white women across the world are saying how empowering it is to buy Prada without guilt whenever the mood strikes them, knowing that Mr Right will address the budgetary shortfall by taking her out for dinner three times this week. And four times next week. Or, like, whatever, you know, just don’t, like, oppress me with your needy male patriarchy!
And if it sounds like I’m weighing in against the girls, let me redress the balance by scouring the interwebs for articles by men promoting this lifestyle…
— and there you have it, we ALL agree that this is one fantabulous idea. Good work, Gen X for taking the nuclear family and pulling it apart with domestic violence, drugs, alcohol, materialism and infidelity — Gen Y were there to watch and learn, and now their group solution to all this messiness is to avoid any relationship that can’t be dissolved on Twitter with one ugly hashtag. It makes me think that the supermassive black hole isn’t close enough, sometimes.
But back to the bionic penis (just substitute it in the vid below wherever) I can’t see how Steve Austin survived without one, quite frankly. It could have been his ‘secret weapon’. And then, of course, the Bionic Woman came along, and well, how’s a guy to measure up when the rest of him is like:
“Yeah baby, lift that car with ONE arm! You like that? Oooh yeah, and look at me running fast in my powder blue suit! Yeah, baby, you want some?”
Jamie Sommers: “Um, no. Actually, I think I’ll pass on that. I need some me time, so if you save the world Wednesday, Thursday, and I’ll pick up on Friday, but you get half of Saturday and Sunday alright?
Col Steve Austin: “Oh. Um, okay them. See you later, I guess.”
Jamie Sommers: “Stop oppressing me! And keep that disgusting ‘action arm’ away from me, you pig!
Col Steve Austin: “Ah! I wasn’t my arm, it just–oh just forget it…
Jamie Sommers (leaving for spray tan) “… and take me somewhere nice on Saturday! Not that Mexican dive we went to last time, you KNOW I have a gluten intolerance!”
Col Steve Austin: “Okay.”
Jamie Sommers: “And if you please me, I’ll do something that will make that bionic eye of yours pop!”
Col Steve Austin: “Okay! It’s a date!”
Jamie Sommers: “Don’t push it motherfucker.”